Pac Man World 3 review

No, I know. That’s not actually funny. But it is appropriate. Pac Man World 3 is no laughing matter either.

You see, there are times when playing Pac Man World 3 when you feel that sense of familiarity. It’s not just that this tired, second-rate platformer is like every other tired, second-rate platformer you’ve ever dabbled with. It’s not just that it never, ever does anything even vaguely new. It’s not just because the story involves you plodding around worlds where an ancient race has left machinery of an unknown nature lying around. Not even Halo did that first.

It’s the colour palette, the look of the levels when an outside bit segues into an inside bit. It just gives you the feeling that the guys who designed the look of this thing wanted you to think ‘Hey! This looks like Halo’. Maybe they thought that associating this meagre effort with Halo might make you more likely to enjoy their game. There’s even a member of the cast of Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope in there! Biggs Darklighter, for goodness sake.

All Present & Correct

So, does greatness rub off? Does the fact that this is the third Pac Man World game mean they’ve got something right about this whole 3-D platform thing? Let’s see…

Third person viewpoint? Check.

Irritatingly cheery characters? Check.

Nippy dialogue that almost raises a smile, but not quite? Check.

Learn everything about the control of the game in the first level? Check.

Do the same things over and over and over again until you’re bored (by the first level)? Check.

Have to work with a really bad camera, the movement of which will cause you to die or have to make blind leaps of faith? Check.

Dull graphics? Check.

Yup, it’s all in there. It all goes to prove that greatness really doesn’t rub off. Shame, as now I have to write a review of a game that is, at time of writing, already vanishing into obscurity.

My biggest problem with the game isn’t with wasted potential. Pac Man isn’t just a thoroughly abused dead horse. This expired equine has been battered so often it’s bone dust in the wind, but you and I (and the developer) knew this before we started. It’s not with the barely ok-ness of the whole thing. My problem lies with the fact that I can’t see who the game is aimed at.

Ready? Aim. F... Ah, Sod It! I’m Off Home...

Are there really legions of Pac Man fans who will by this just because it’s a Pac Man game? The museum extra in the game suggests this. This is where you can view an interview with the creator of Pac Man that tells you nothing new, or look at various uninteresting stuff you collect or unlock through the game (including levels kind of like the original game). I’m not convinced.

Is the game a kid’s game? If it is, that’s no excuse for such a shoddy piece of work. Kids are a tough audience, and they deserve better. They also don’t deserve the sudden spike in difficulty that drops on the player about half to two-thirds of the way through the game. The timing is what confuses me. The challenge is upped at the exact time that any more experienced gamers will have long ago given up, and with such a spike in such an unrewarding game that younger gamers who have somehow persevered this long will quickly get frustrated and give up.

Oddly, I wanted to finish the thing once, all the way through, just to say I had in the review. I got to what I’m certain was the last environment before a series of irritating deaths caused by unavoidable baddies (on ledges you have to jump to in such a way as you can’t defend yourself) and effectively immovable camera angles (that make it next to impossible to see where to jump to over lasers) made me give up. That annoyed me.

However, in my irritation, I did decide who the game is aimed at. It’s aimed at grandparents. They are not going to buy it to play themselves. Oh no. Pac Man World 3 has the kind of game packaging that attracts grannies and parents who don’t know any better. The kind of rellies who don’t want you playing nasty games that they read about in the papers. You know – the ones where you apparently ‘slap your bitch up’ or something. So, they buy you Pac Man World 3. This guarantees that they will receive socks again for Christmas and, as there are a lot of well-meaning, ill-informed relatives out there, that there will likely be a Pac Man World 4.

I say now that I will not be reviewing it. I’ve paid my dues. And it’s ok, as you won’t be playing it either. You have more sense than that.

Even if you are a Pac Man fan.