Earth Defence Force 2017 review (Xbox 360)

Over the past goodness only knows how long, we’ve been forced by publishers to endure some of the most po-faced, worthy, up-their-own-bottom games, most of which have been utterly devoid of one key element that makes us play games. The missing element is FUN, and at times it’s been rarer than the shaving cream atom found only on forbidden Planet X.

As an example, let me hold up very deliberately the woeful (and full-priced) Bullet Witch, which I reviewed recently. It had a dark and bloody plot featuring a delicious Goth-type hunting down demons in a ruined world teetering on the brink of oblivion. Despite its attempts to be terribly grim and self-important, it was (and I quote) broken, broken, broken and was no fun at all.

SILLY!

Now, here comes Earth Defence Force 2017. It has a light and fluffy plot about alien invaders wiping out every major city on Earth with giant insects, giant robots, giant spaceships and giant cyborg dinosaurs, driving mankind to the brink of… erm.. of… well, oblivion, really.

And, do you know, it’s a complete and utter blast. And it’s cheaper than Bullet Witch to boot, coming in under £18 if you look around online.

Crackdown did much the same as EDF 2017, introducing simple, joyous fun to the sandbox in a big, sprawling game world. EDF 2017 is not as good as Crackdown, as it does get pretty samey after only a short time. You’ll likely play it only in short doses. Well, you’ll intend to, but you’ll get hooked and then, quicker than a horde of giant red ants, it’s one in the morning and you’ll never get up for work the next day.

DAFT!

The daft plot of EDF 2017 is pure B-movie fluff. Aliens invade in 2017, the valiant Earth Defence Force do what they can, you play a soldier designated Storm One based in Japan, all the other soldiers are rubbish, cities fall
and humanity is almost destroyed until you save the day. There, done.

That’s all just an excuse for 53 (count them! 53!) levels of utter, joyous mayhem as you use increasingly violent and explosive weapons to wipe out huge numbers of enemies. It’s a run-and-gun, third person affair but, unlike Bullet Witch, the central game mechanic isn’t broken. Well, not totally – jumping is a little rubbish and your avatar does walk very slowly. That last bit is a problem in some of the sprawling, totally destructible levels, and you’ll resort to the silly sideways-diving-and-rolling to get places quicker.

In the first level, you go up against giant black ants. You see them in the distance at first (no irritating pop-up here, thank you Bullet Witch), but horribly quickly you’re swamped by a teeming mass of them. OK, so they’re a bit simplistically drawn, but such things matter not a jot as there are what feels like hundreds of these four meter tall insects crawling all over you as you blast them to oblivion, merrily picking up the charmingly 2-D icons they drop when they die. These icons give you health, armour (which increases your health for later levels) and weapons.

There are many new weapons to collect as you go, some of which are not very good and some of which are just completely fab! After a few levels you’ll hunt through the post-game list of pick-ups and grin like a maniac when you see that you’ve just picked up a new rocket launcher or shotgun with which to take down the bad guys. Selecting which two weapons to take into the next fight really does matter – you don’t generally take a super-explosive rocket launcher into the close confines of the insect nests, nor the short-range shotgun to the sprawling and open beach, river and forest level (one level, three environments).

RIDICULOUS!

With mention of the environments, we start to run into the limitations of the game. Sure there are many different types of baddies to blast – giant black and red ants, giant spiders, robot mini-gunships, giant UFOs, big and giant walking robots, two types of really giant dinosaur, a huge walking fortress, and the truly immense mothership – but, tactics aside, it is still a case of running and shooting until they all go away. There are vehicles, but the learning curve with using them is steep enough to put most folks off, and you don’t really need them anyway.

The environments – the afore mentioned beach, river valley and forest one, the city and the complex underground insect nest – force different tactics on you in the same way the enemies do, but you quickly get used to what weapons to use and when. It does get very samey, not helped by the relatively simple graphics that prevent slowdown except when things get really, really busy.

That familiarity is almost, very nearly, not quite a problem. Each level is pretty short, clocking in at five to fifteen minutes of play at Normal difficulty level, but there are 53 of them. Achievement point addicts (yup, me included) will note you get points for finishing each of the five difficulties (plus another 200 for getting all the weapons), but this is no easy task. On the Normal difficulty, it took just shy of ten hours of play to get the 100 points.

MAD!

I’ve finished the game now, and I had a lot of fun doing it. I could tell endless war stories of being surrounded on all sides by ants and spiders, unable to see anything for the acid and web that filled the screen, but somehow still emerging victorious, my armour dripping sticky bug juice. I remember almost whooping with joy as my Air Tortoise missile slammed into the huge monster it had been tracking for two full minutes, dropping it dead just before my last sliver of health vanished. Oh, and don’t get me started on the explosions!! The way the city levels crumble when a stray rocket slams into them is very, very satisfying.

However, sheer spectacle and glorious battles aside, this is still a B-movie. Earth Defence Force 2017 is still heading for the ‘to-be-traded’ pile. I really couldn’t face playing through the whole thing again. Sure, there’s a co-op mode and a deathmatch thingy (split-screen and on Live), but it’s not quite enough. This is a slice of simple fun, and a better one you’ll be hard-pressed to find, but it’s simplicity is just a little too basic to hold your attention for long.

A few more environments (even two would have done), vehicles that aren’t just a bit rubbish, better sound (the alien insects don’t sound as creepy as they look), and the chance to maybe individualise your player a little would just involve the player more in the experience.

All that said, it’s only £20! No excuses – go play!